Godfried-Willem Raes
The Last Symphony
a score for orchestra
[in the works]
Conductor:
If member of a union, conduct 4/4 (MM=132),
else
conduct 13/8 with varying subdivisions.
Strings:
If you think you should earn more for your job in the orchestra, play a note at least a whole tone higher then your neighbours. If you cannot play any higher, stay at your highest note for at least 35 seconds. Then rest.
elseif you think you are well paid, follow the conductor
elseif you think you earn too much, play on your lowest string only. Dont follow the leader
else, if you dont think at all, just play any music that may happen to be on your stand.
Woodwinds:
- Flutes: keyclicks only
- Oboes: cutting and testing reeds
- Clarinets: mount new reed. Practice slagtongues. After each set of about 10 slaps, check with a new reed.
- Bassoon(s): Watch the conductor, in full awareness of your rareness. Every so often play a note on the beat as indicated by the conductor.
Brass:
Recombine in groups of 4 players. Each group should have an awfull music score. These scores can be got from Cebedem (Belgian Composers, members of Sabam, the worst in the world). With a Stanley knive, cut the entire score into a stack of cards. Shake well. On each card play a single note you can play but synchronize it with the beginning of a note or sound produced by any other member of the orchestra. In no one is playing, you may synchronize with the conductor.
Percussion:
Count aloud downwards. Start with the integer number equalling your monthly wage expressed in Euros or Dollars. On each prime number, play a sound.
Soloists:
just stay home on the day of the performance. Dont tell anybody. Make sure your name appears large on the posters.
P.S.: Voor uitvoeringen van dit stuk moeten noch mogen auteursrechten worden betaald. Elke poging tot inning van auteursrechten naar aanleiding van publieke uitvoeringen van dit stuk kan gerechterlijk als poging tot afpersing worden vervolgd.